It's a mistake to think that a New Year is an automatic fresh start and that your grief will just lessen by magic. Grief has to have its time, it needs to be spoken of, seen and felt so that it can heal.  Some times, you will be down on your knees with pain, loneliness and even anger.  When that happens to me, I stop my fear and anger by simply praying to God, Psalm 23, "The Lord is my Shepherd" - this will always be my go to in times of worry. Though things are rough in the moment, it won't always be this hard.  Find something to hold onto, something to help lift you up so you can keep fighting.  Don't let grief numb your feelings to the point that you start wearing a mask of "I'm okay", when you're not. This New Year is for you.  You have to love yourself first.  Focus on finding yourself, so you can learn to live in your own skin.  Start by some positive self talk, "I will not give up, I'm worth this life and I'm going to keep trying to improve, no matter what." You are made to be alive with gratefulness and you deserve respect - especially from yourself. May this New Year bring you peace, and clarify your vision as you create a future where you can be happy once again.