The longer I’m a widow, the less interested I am in “the cold hard truth”, and the more interested I become in the way we see that “cold hard truth”. The truth is not so much what happened, but how we perceived it. That perception, ultimately, makes us either a victim or a survivor. That’s not to say that we shouldn’t have our time of grieving – because that is normal and necessary to our healing. There are times in life when we must be open to the pain and deal with it. Without a doubt, grief is important. But the exact same circumstances in life can turn out completely different responses. We are not always in control of our fate, but how we interpret our lives is totally in our control. We are all different, composed of all the weird and wonderful parts that make us unique. If we try to see things only through our eyes than we miss what matters most, the person behind those “cold hard truths”. That is why it’s important not to judge others. As a widow it’s a full time job to watch my own journey – victim and survivor days, both come and go. My best advice is to try to see things with the kindest interpretation, striving to see a more beautiful world when everything seems to be falling apart around us. If you do that, I promise that grieving will make you a survivor and not a victim.