All Blog Postings by Mary
Allowing Love In
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
Widows have a hard time allowing love in after they have lost their first love.
When it comes to love, keeping your guard up in a new relationship is guaranteed to block any growth. Widows can’t fully receive love from a new man if they haven’t yet healed their broken hearts. We need to understand and accept the full range of our feelings, passions and emotions so we can be free to love and be loved.
We may need time to recognize genuine love when it is offered to us. If we are not careful we can deflect love by not accepting any praise, assuming they are insincere, criticizing positive comments or questioning why they are doing it. Praise may make us uncomfortable to the point that we don’t listen or feel embarrassed.
When this happens we hide out of fear of being hurt, being a caregiver or being financially used. None of this is conscious, but the bottom line is that we may reject love in order to protect our bruised heart.
To end this self-rejection, you have to learn to love yourself first. Simply put, what goes around comes around and once you love yourself it allows you to receive more love from another.
You have to give up your identity as a grieving widow and surrender your emotional dependency on what judgments others might have. Loving again is a complicated process especially with all the work you have to do to first grieve and heal.
The main tip I can give you to allow love in, is learning to listen deeply and empathetically. If you are honest and open they should return that back to you so that everyone feels safe.
When each person has grown with help from each other, and when both have learned to give and receive, then you will be better prepared to allow love in.