Caregiver Hope - It’s not easy caring for a suffering husband and so I want to offer some caregiver hope.  Every day, I encounter caregivers who are struggling to keep their heads above water.

Sometimes, they feel overwhelmed, afraid, anxious or grief-stricken.  Or if their loved one has died, they may just feel numb.

As widows we would like to look back and say we did everything for him while taking the perfect amount of time for ourselves.  But the truth is we can’t be the “perfect” caregiver, no one can.

If you are still a caregiver, simply do your best, day by day, and moment by moment.  When mistakes are made (by you or others), offer forgiveness.  We cannot cure, change or control the terrible things our loved ones endure.  The only thing we can control is our own thoughts, our words and our actions.

Caregiving is the hardest job we will ever tackle.  Please don’t try to tackle it alone.  If you are/were a long term caregiver, relationships often fade and a feeling of isolation may surround the caregiver.  Without positive human connections, you suffer.  That’s why it is important for caregivers to remain in their community, friendships and other social networks.

Caregiver hope is knowing your own needs.  Make the effort to jump start old friendships and start new ones.  It’s critical to push back against the isolation. 

Since caregivers rarely deal with short-term issues, long-term counseling is strongly advised.  The purpose of attending support groups (as a caregiver or as a widow) is not to change our status, but rather to help us respond in healthier way to the challenges we face.

Manage your lifestyle by these 1-2-3 reminders:

1. Do something special for yourself each week.

2. Take at least two weeks annual vacation to expose yourself to new places and adventures.

3.Take at least thirty minutes a day to be grateful, to enjoy something humorous and meaningful.

Don’t wait until you feel good or until things are “going your way” before you choose to engage in your life.  It’s okay to look backwards, but don’t get stuck there.

I put this quote on the back of Donnie’s and mine’s tombstone and I hope it brings you some comfort.

God, grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
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