Being a widow changes how we think about ourselves and how the world looks at us.   It’s been years for me but sometimes I still feel like I’m half here and that if I’m not careful I will in time disappear.

Some of the widows I talk to say that people look at them different now that they are no longer part of a couple.  It makes them feel as though they are invisible and that what they have to say is discounted, as if they have no value. There is this sense that we could fall off the face of the earth and no one would notice for at least a week.

In the early days you may find that people avoid you - making you feel less relevant.  They may be afraid that they will someday be in your shoes or perhaps they quite simply don’t know what to say or do.

Widows can feel invisible – they miss their husbands, the day to day comfort and security of having someone to share their life with.  Most of all we miss the person we were when we were with them.  We felt part of something, but now we are no longer anyone’s “special someone”.

We must not let the world define us to the point that we become invisible:

Call girl friends for lunch or a shopping date.  Get out of the house and prove to the world that you may be down but you are not finished. 

Do some decorating – new paint and accessories can breathe some life into your future.

Be proactive about your health, finances, home and friends.  Understand what you can control and what you have to let go.

Seek out the company of other “widows” as they “get it” and really listen and take serious what we have to say.  They make us feel visible and worthy of their time.

Most of the time other people are just as lonely as you are and would love you to approach them.  Strike up a conversation with a stranger and show you care.

Try not to think too far ahead because it can be overwhelming.  Pay more attention to what you want today.  Do more of what you want and don’t worry about what others think.  

Getting out of the house is your first step - don't let the world define you to the point that you become invisible.