Gone are the days of living to please others, because growing old alone is not for the faint of heart.  Whatever your age, I can tell you that it’s always the best time for doing what you and only you are called to do. Do you want to benefit from the “wisdom of the ages”?  Envision yourself at the age of 150 – you remember everything, without fear and with the confidence of age.  Now ask the future you what advice they have for the present you.  Your future self is waiting for you to quiet down and invite them into your present situation – be open to that wisdom. Sorrow, desperation and fearfulness does not go hand in hand with getting older.  Many widows growing old alone, become more lively and energetic as they free themselves from the traps of youth. Do as a child – play and laugher will leave you feeling young and refreshed.  You may not be getting any younger, but that doesn’t mean that each day can’t still be bright and full of opportunities. If you’re worried about growing old alone, learn new computer programs, games and technology.  This will help curb any fear of, “What if I can’t depend on myself”?   One trick to growing old alone is to find something you don’t know how to do or something you can improve on.  It has to become “THE” something that comes out of you because without passion, we fall to loneliness.

Helen Keller has become my Hero.  Helen was blind, deaf and mute but is quoted as saying, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”  If Helen Keller could live life as a daring adventurer, then surly we can also make that decision as a widow.

What scares you about aging?

For me it’s Alzheimer’s/Dementia and letting loneliness overtake my life.  Yes, life doesn’t always turn out the way we plan, so what then?  Live so at the end of your life you can say that you learned to let go of what was out of your control.  This will help you to focus on what you could control. We widows need to learn to be alone.  We do that by making connections to things/people larger than our need and our grief.  Widows have to develop their own sense of the “meaning of life.” Grieving old alone is about learning what we need to do to place more value on aging.  Widows need to value themselves, not for what they look like or what they own, but for the women they are. I deal with my fear of growing old alone by not turning away from it and not pretending it isn't happening.  Instead I am enjoying whatever time I do have left.  Time does not heal – time just goes by.  It is the action steps you take, as time goes by, that can help you grieve and deal with any unresolved issues you have.  Every griever is different and responds to their grief and healing in their own way. Please don’t mix grieving with worries about growing old alone.  This just adds to your burden and makes it even harder to heal your broken heart.  First deal with life as a grieving widow.  As your broken heart starts to heal, then you will have the energy to focus on creating a more positive approach to growing old alone. To Our Shared Journey,                                                                                       Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®,  Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator,  Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”