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Holidays intensify grief and feelings of loss as we are flooded with memories of our husbands. Below are some tips that I hope will help you handle the holiday season.
Break with tradition – Sometimes, it helps to change things up.
- One way to celebrate might be by going to a church service.
- You can reach out to someone in your neighborhood who is alone.
- If the celebration is usually at your house, you can ask others to host.
- Or, you can simply choose to ignore the holiday completely. It’s OK if you don’t feel you can handle it. You’re recovering from heartache.
Honor your loved one – Time for some new memories.
- Some people like to light a candle to remember a loved one.
- Others enjoy taking turns sharing meaningful memories.
- Make some decorations in honor of your husband.
- Instead of a Christmas tree, you can donate a tree.
- A unique way to honor someone is to name a star after them.
Honor yourself – There’s no right or wrong way
- Be open with your family and friends about your wishes.
- Ask yourself what you feel you can handle.
- You have choices so don’t let others make your decisions for you.
- You can join family and friends for as long as you’re comfortable.
- Go to events with friends or family instead of walking in alone.
- If you may want to leave an event after a few minutes, that’s fine.
My first Christmas, as a widow, I couldn’t stand staying home and so I went visiting everyone. I had three Christmas turkey dinners that year but what I did not do was cook a turkey. I just didn’t have the heart to even try to make a big Christmas dinner. Others like to have the big Christmas dinner at their place because it’s too much of a change not to have it. This is where you decide what you can handle and what you can’t.
I wish I had a magic wand to make it better but the holiday season won’t go away and we can’t avoid it (even though we would like to). We need to grieve and work through the pain but unfortunately, the holidays often prove to be a stumbling block on our journey from grief to healing. Be sure you get enough rest, eat well and try to avoid too many stressful events because the “happy holidays” can be emotionally exhausting.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
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