You have likely already heard how important friendships are when you are grieving.  Recent studies show that lonely grievers are more likely to develop high blood pressure, sleep poorly and get sick more often.  On the other hand if you are well connected you are healthier and life is a little bit easier to take.

Friends are the lifesavers that you turn to when you are grieving and you need to vent.  But how many friends does it take to feel happy and loved?  Fewer than you might think! 

The happiest of people say they have positive, close friendships and that these important friendships give them unconditional support as well as help with their stress.

As we grieve, we want fewer but more fulfilling friendships. We just don’t have the energy to put ourselves out there to keep in touch with a lot of different friends.  Not only do some of our friends leave us when we become widowed – we also choose to end some friendships.  As some friendships end, other friendships become stronger, and their impact on us is felt more deeply.

When grieving we may lean towards being more loner like. We all need close friends when life gets chaotic but right now we need to focus on grieving and we need to ease our anxiety about the future.  Treasure the people in your inner circle, clinging to them as your grieve and heal.  But don’t worry about those superficial people that have moved on or that you no longer want to spend time with. 

You may have no energy at this point to socialize but if you’re realistic about it, you’ll realize that you will have plenty of time to make new friends as you heal – and you will!

Are you still grieving and in the early stages of loneliness or are you ready to develop a healthy “aloneness” and important friendships only?

If you’re a recent widow then you have to grieve and loneliness is part of this, but when you’re ready here are some statements to think about:

• I’m always busy and never home.

• I’m not taking time for myself.

• I have no quiet time just for me.

• I’m with people I don’t enjoy being with.

Or

• I do important activities for me.

• I have stopped hiding in my home.

• I am content with my own company.

• Loneliness doesn’t control my behaviour.

Think about this – truthfully where are you when it comes to important friendships and loneliness?