When grieving we may hold unto anger about what someone did or didn't do.  Letting anger go is important to not only our healthy healing, but also to our grieving. We need to learn how to stop the negative replay from looping over and over in your head.  It's a great tragedy of human behavior when widows can't stop thinking about an event that happened weeks, months and sometimes years ago. It's a loss of peace and energy because we get trapped, and are held as a prisoner in our past.  Maybe, that's you, holding on to what has happened in the past.  But for what purpose?  Does it make you feel right or valideated?  Do you feel that letting it go is saying that it didn't matter? My husband, Donnie, died of lung cancer and at the time of his death he was smoking almost two packs a day and was on two different proffers to help him breath.  I guestioned myself as to whether I should have been able to get Donnie to quit.  Did I do enough?  I was also very angry at him because his smoking caused his death and made me a widow. In time I learned that nobody can pressure anyone to do what they are not willing to do.  Let's face it, Donnie knew he shouldn't smoke.  I was his wife, not his doctor and so no scolding, no lectures and no amount of anger changed his smoking habit.  What it did do, was make me a very angry, picky wife and stoled peace/love from the time we did have together. I don't want to make that mistake again, and so I am very careful not to hold onto anger, resentmen or feelings of pity.  The baggage of all those negative feelings is just too heavy to care around. It's time to let it go, time to live life more fully.