All Blog Postings by Mary
Life Is Unstable
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
Life is unstable – today I’m a Grief Counselor, plus so much more, but that is not what I aspired to be. Seventeen years ago I just wanted to put in my work years and retire with that golden pension. I didn’t think past Donnie and I enjoying our retirement years together.
This week Donnie’s been gone seventeen years, and my retirement years are nothing like I thought they would be. Donnie’s death changed me, changed my life, my passions and my focus. My life in no way resembles what I thought it was going to be when I still had Donnie. I didn’t want those changes and I cried for my lost future as a wife.
Eventually I learned that I can survive heartbreak and recreated my life, but it didn’t come easy. It’s filled with an amazing group of friends and family (that has not changed), but it has changed in the type of friends that have joined my life. Widows are now a big part of who I am and who I relate to.
I administrate a private Facebook group of over 18,000 widows from around the world called “The Sisterhood of Widows – Private Group for Widows”. This week they gave me so much support and helped reinforce my idea that there is power in widows helping widows.
I've learned that life is unstable and not to take it personal. It's that way for everyone so it's important not to take on the "victim" role. I believe that in life,“it is what it is” and that it is a mistake to expect that life is easy while in truth life is unstable. Things happen, death happens, but sometimes loss and pain can help us to grow into a better person, a person that reaches out to support and encourage others. I’ve found this over and over again with the widows that are in the private group.
It takes time to absorb the harsh reality that your future is not as planned, but it can still be a future of possibilities, hope and love. Widowhood is not something desired, but I know I would never want to give up the years I did have with Donnie, even though in the end it broke my heart.
The thing is, everything (even Donnie’s death) has happened in my life up to now to make me the person I am today. I’m getting older without Donnie, but I’m also getting wiser and much more appreciative of what I still have.
One thing that this week has reminded me of is that life is limited, so I need to spend it wisely.