All Blog Postings by Mary
A Lonely Valentines
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
A lonely valentines is one of the greatest challenge faced by survivors. When it comes to accepting and dealing with loss, each day presents its own challenge but Valentine’s Day is especially hard.
Loneliness is judged to be more difficult to endure than fatigue, anxiety or memory loss. There are broken hearts and wounded widows everywhere, you are not alone in your grief. Some are healing and moving forward, some are still in shock and some are stuck in their grief and anger.
As a widow you will encounter many lonely times, times when you feel like you’re the only person on the face of the earth. For me it was so strange to go from a house with a husband to a life alone. I knew I would be alone, but I was still not prepared for the loneliness. You think you have “grief” controlled, but loneliness can come unexpectedly, even when we think we are finally past it all.
A lonely valentines, for me, wasn’t where I was or even who I was with; it was my state of mind. There is no formula for healing. Each widow is different, and each widow will heal her broken heart in her own time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCbQxU6eP-s
When I became a widow at the age of 50 I knew that I had to make a life of my own. No one was going to do it for me. If I was to become a person unto myself I had to lift myself out of my grief. Overall, I’ve found that the more I do, the more I want to do. My activities keep me going so that I don’t have time to brood about my loss.
This Valentine’s Day take time to Love Yourself. One of the widows in my book buys flowers for herself every Valentine’s Day because as she puts it “I deserve to feel loved”.
As I approach valentine’s without my husband I think about being single in a world I once knew as a couple. I think that searching and believing in a soul mate can be dysfunctional and can even compound loneliness. First I need to find myself and be at peace with who I am, then and only then would I ever want to step out into the couple world.