Are you a lonely widow?  Most of us are.  Our quiet home is a constant reminder that we are on our own.  We get this nagging, restless desire to get out and do something, but on the other hand we find it hard to just get out of bed. Seeking ways to escape our loneliness, many of us become “busy addicts” so we don’t have to stay in our empty home.  Sadly, we may even go out with people we don’t really care for just so we don’t have to be alone. We are just running from our grief when we stay too busy, the truth is you can never run fast enough or change locations often enough to avoid your loneliness or grief. Are you still grieving and loneliness is part of it?  If so I want you to think about how you are handling your loneliness:

• I’m always busy and never home.
• I’m not taking time for myself.
• I have no quiet time just for me.
• I’m with people I don’t ever like.

Or

• I do activities that are important to me.
• I have stopped hiding in my home
• I am content with my own company.
• I’m not letting loneliness control my behavior.

There have been times in my life that I have been utterly lonely.  We widows don’t always speak this truth because we don’t want listeners to pity us or think we are whiny.  Being “lonely” seems like a need and scares some people away. We need to be heard and understood when our loneliness overwhelms us.  When that happens interact with people – a store clerk, friend, therapist, grief support group, or volunteer, just get out and meet people. For me, going to the gym gets me out of the house and feeds my need to also be busy, but not too busy. Loneliness is not a defect but proof that you are normal and just need to connect to others.  Instead of hiding your loneliness bring it to the light, treat is with respect and make an effort to get out of your comfort zone.  If you want to end your isolation, you must be honest about what you want and decide to go after it.  No one else can take risks for us, or face our fears for us, or give us the self-respect that we need. You need to invite people into your life, to make them part of your life and to be part of theirs.  Widows underestimate their capacity for change.  You don’t have to wait until you’re entirely ready or everything is perfectly lined up.  We can always find some excuse not to act, so just take one action and it will give you the momentum to continue making changes. It’s been sixteen years since Donnie died and I am no longer a “lonely widow”, but I still have times when I miss Donnie and being married.  I think I will until the day I die, but I’ve found a balance between being lonely and loneliness. Mary Francis lonely widow, the sisterhood of widows, widow support, grieving, how to grieve, grief, life of a widow, #thesisterhoodofwidows, #widow, #grief, #griefsupport, #widowsupport, #howtogrieve, #widowshelpingwidows