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Is it “okay to skip Christmas?”
Absolutely – There is nothing wrong with skipping Christmas, especially when your grief is fresh. A break can mean turning down invitations to parties or to step back from parts of the holiday season that are too difficult to share without your husband. Some take a trip away so they don’t have to deal with any of the festive season.
Others redefine what the holidays are like and they start new Christmas traditions which bring them peace and serenity during a stressful time.
If taking a break from the holidays isn’t quite acceptable, here are some ways to make this time easier:
- Acknowledge that the Holiday Season will be different.
- Accept and be honest with the way you are feeling.
- Express your emotions in your unique way – talking, writing, music, prayer.
- Plan ahead. – Share tasks and accept your limitations.
Sometimes it quite simple – you just don’t want any part of the season. You are grieving and need the time to do so without pretending to be happy. Don’t feel guilty for something that is normal and healthy. You have to grieve before you can heal. If you find the season just too much to bear than skip what you can. Find time for yourself and don’t worry about socializing if you’re not up to it.
Going through the first holiday season as a newly widowed lady can be excruciating.
Not only do you feel out of sorts because your rituals have been disrupted, but it can be awkward for friends and family who aren’t sure what to do with you. They may invite you over for a holiday meal but as a single person you may feel like the odd person out, which isn’t much fun!
Lonely widows know and understand the plight of other lonely widows in a way that those who aren’t widowed don’t. There are quite a few of us who wish the season would pass quickly so we can find some relief from all this holiday cheer. This time of year is difficult no matter where you are, but by planning ahead you can make the best of the situation. Opting to celebrate as usual may be your choice, but keep in mind that the celebration will never be the same without your loved one. Prepare yourself for those feelings.
If celebrating seems too difficult to bear consider doing something completely different. A lonely widow may find a desirable holiday destination (family, friends or even a trip away) to start creating a new tradition of her own. Whatever you do, make sure that you care for yourself and that you stay away from anyone who might make you feel bad about yourself or your situation.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
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