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I think we all have “social anxiety” at one time or another, but widows really suffer from this. It’s important to recognize our feelings of social anxiety.
- Feeling that you’re being judged.
- Believing that others would humiliate you.
- Trying too hard to impress others.
- Feeling inferior in comparison to others.
- Nervous that others can see your flaws.
- Your standards for yourself are too rigid.
- Scared of expressing any negative feelings.
- Avoids conflicts or disagreements.
- Doesn’t want to be asked for their opinion.
As you can see from the above list, social anxiety can hold a widow back from meeting new people. Widows are already stressed and lonely, making it harder to open up and share their feelings.
Widows exemplifies many of the self-defeating attitudes that lead to social anxiety. We feel that we must impress others and put on a show to be likable. We hide our grief and loneliness because we think it makes others uncomfortable. This creates social tension and the terrible fear that someone will see our real, unacceptable self and what is hiding behind our masks.
- Do you have rigid ideas of “right” and “wrong” social behavior?
- Do you think that sharing your feelings openly will make you socially unacceptable?
We widows pay a high price for grieving, it makes us feel constantly stressed, fearful of mistakes and criticism. We often feel lonely, and struggle to open up and share our feelings. Instead of feeling anxious and nervous, while holding all of our feelings inside, we need to tell people how we feel. This can be remarkably helpful, as we learn to accept ourselves as a real human, with all our insecurities.
We often think that people will only accept and admire our strengths, and will reject us if they knew our weaknesses. Because of this belief, we are often afraid to put ourselves out there socially.
Personal disclosure is a powerful antidote to social anxiety. Tell people when you feel anxious and ask them if they have ever felt nervous or worried. If you share your feelings, you might learn that others are also human and willing to accept you, just as you are.
Sharing your vulnerabilities can be one of the best ways to overcome social anxiety and to develop closer relationships with others.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
#widows #supportforwidows #thesisterhoodofwidows
