What are you doing for stress relief?  We widows often add to our problems by either hiding behind a mask of "I'm Okay" or trying short term stress relief methods that don't work. A mask is an image that you project so that others believe that is who you are.  But it stops others from really knowing how you’re feeling and may even keep you from knowing yourself. You may not want to take off your mask because you don’t want others to see the sadness underneath.  But when you take that leap of faith you will often experience more closeness with friends and family. It can be exhausting always wearing that happy face mask.  Let people know what you are really feeling instead of always having to appear strong. When your mask gets too heavy, have faith in yourself and throw it away.  The real you will be out in the open and then you can start rebuilding your life. Short Term Stress Relief That Doesn’t Work While alcohol can give you great pleasure and make you feel more relaxed, excess alcohol is an addictive drug. It is not uncommon for people to turn to alcohol for comfort when they are stressed or unable to sleep. Alcohol is a depressant drug that slows the brain down, dulls your reactions and affects your moods. Alcohol should be an afternoon drink, because if taken later in the evening it keeps you in the lighter stage of sleep. Light noise in the house will likely awaken you. The nicotine in tobacco smooths the nerves but it is a powerful and addictive drug that causes long term damage to the heart, windpipes, lungs, and bronchial tubes. It may cause cancer and other fatal illnesses. Tips for quitting:

• Distract yourself – explore new activities or go for a walk.
• Avoid obvious triggers.
• Cut down gradually and ask your doctor for helpful tools.
• Use the money saved to buy something really special.
• Pick a positive time for withdrawal, not in the midst of other changes.
• Establish social support from people who want to see you quit.

Taking tranquilizers can make you less anxious in the short term but they only mask the symptoms and don’t deal with the real issues. If you take them for a prolonged period of time you may become addicted to the secure, relaxed feeling that they give you. When taking tranquilizers talk to your doctor about the dose and length of time you are comfortable taking them. Be gentle on yourself and don’t expect to bounce back into a normal life within a few weeks.  Your body, mind and spirit have all taken a shock to your system and need to recover. If you feel the need for professional help to learn how to get stress relief then reach out to those that are trained to deal with grief.  You can also seek help from your religious leaders in the faith that you belong to.