All Blog Postings by Mary
Sympathy Cards
By Mary Francis · Originally published: April 29, 2022
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
Sympathy cards are like gold for widows. We need to be surrounded by support, encouragement and kindness. The best part of a sympathy card is that it never expires, we can physically hold it and when feeling down we can re-read it.
When it comes time for you to write a sympathy note, don’t just go online to send a note through the Funeral Home or a quick note on Facebook. Put some personal effort into it and mail a sympathy card.
Sympathy cards are not important because of their length, but because of their support and caring.
- Send it as soon as possible. It’s never too late, just send with caring and avoid explanations or excuses if it’s later than you are comfortable with.
- Be sincere as you let them know that you are thinking of them.
- Don’t talk about what has been going on in your life. It’s not about you, so don’t recount your own losses in your life.
- Use the deceased’s name and specific memory about their personality, humor or how they inspired others.
- Never use this opportunity to bring up any past disagreements, apologies, explanations or less than flattering comments about anything.
- Stay away from platitudes such as “they are in a better place” or comments about religious beliefs unless you are 100% sure they share your beliefs.
- Consider suggesting a “specific” date to get together. Avoid being vague and leaving the date up to them or offering an open ended get together like, “Call me if you need anything”. Be detailed like, “Let’s get together the first Sunday in …. for a walk” and “I will call/email you when we get close to the day to setup the best time.”
- It’s okay to say, “I don’t know what to say.” Admitting it is better than offering an empty platitude.
Beyond the sympathy card, mark your calendar to remember the anniversary of their death. Then next year you can send a first year note/card to let them know that you are thinking of them.
