All Blog Postings by Mary
Two Bad Habits
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
As widows our energy is already low and so I want to warn you about two bad habits that we often take on after the death of our husbands.
The first bad habit is irresponsible television watching. I suggest that you skip the late night news because you don’t need to take in all that negative news just before you try to go to sleep.
Never watch shows that involve sexual exploitation or violence against women as it can cause you to be fearful now that you are on your own. There is no reason to watch a show that demeans or diminishes another woman. Instead, watch shows that encourage and inspire as much as they entertain. Shows that leave us feeling better about ourselves, and helps us to see the world in a better light, will give us some positive energy and we really need that when grieving.
What we dwell on has a direct effect on how we view life, so please pay attention to what you absorb hour upon hour through your T.V. Stop and ask yourself: “What do I really want – positive or negative energy and is my T.V. providing it for me?”
I’ve learned to grieve in a healthy way. I have had to be extremely focused on using my time in a positive way, and I have found “YouTube” to be a more targeted way to get what I needed. Is your T.V. time lining up with what you need and want?
The second bad habit is anxiety shopping and I really fell hard into this habit after Donnie died. I have worked hard on all my bad habits, but even after almost fifteen years I still do anxiety shopping.
Shopping gives me something to do outside of my empty home, it soothes me when I am stressed. But it’s only temporarily helpful and when I’m not careful it leaves me with less cash and more stuff then I really need.
So I created a plan that works for me: When I’m stressed, lonely or feeling lost I focus on all the things I already have by writing in my journal. I take a walk around my home, looking through my closets and dressers to see all the stuff I already don’t use. I then take some time to toss or donate a few more items and that keeps me busy so I don’t go anxiety shopping.
One last tip, if I really need to get out, I shop only with $20.00 in cash, no debit or credit cards so that I limit the stuff I buy. I still get out and release my negative energy and loneliness, but it isn’t hurting my bank account like it used to. Or I spend some time online at Amazon filling up my shopping cart and then deleting it all.
These are only two of the many bad habits that widows like me get into. Be aware of your bad habits and do what works best for you.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows