Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
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There are broken hearts and wounded widows everywhere, you are not alone in your grief. Some are healing and moving forward, some are still in shock and some are stuck in their grief and anger.
As a widow you will encounter many lonely times, times when you feel like you’re the only person on the face of the earth. For me it was so strange to go from a house with a husband to a life alone. I knew I would be alone, but I was still not prepared for the loneliness. You think you have “grief” controlled, but loneliness can come unexpectedly, even when we think we are finally past it all.
Loneliness, for me, wasn’t where I was or even who I was with; it was my state of mind. There is no formula for healing. Each widow is different, and each widow will heal her broken heart in her own time.
Healing began for me when I learned that there will be times in my life that I will feel totally abandoned and alone. Even years after their death, many widows still feel wounded. There will be times when you must grit your teeth, times to maintain your sanity and times to forgive others.
Every new day is a choice, a fresh slate to make the most of what life has dealt you. Some tips for making it through the alone times:
- Find some new friends, be a friend and stick by old friends. Maybe your friends feel awkward and don’t know what to say. Give them a break, pick up the phone and make a lunch date –make an effort before you give up on them.
- Plan for your alone times and keep yourself moving. Have a list of things you can do on your “sad” days.
- Start a journal and write everything you can think of that is happening around you. Find a grief group or other widows (local or online) to talk to because relationships/support/encouragement are a blessing.
- Get out of your house and try something new – just for you. Do some of the things you have always wanted to do but never had the time or money for. You deserve it!
For every widow grief is different just as our marriages were different. Some heal and move forward faster than others. There is no right or wrong time limit to healing.
Now that you are widowed, life takes on a whole new meaning. Everything may seem to hit you at once and you may be emotionally unstable. Suddenly, everything is dependent on you, but you can’t do it all. Not now - Not ever. Widows are so vulnerable and it’s easy to be hard on ourselves. Just do the best you can, and remember to take it one day at a time.
You are not alone; you can ask for help, you can hire help or you can learn a new skill. Many widows in my Private Facebook group have gone on “YouTube” and learned how to fix things that normally their husbands would have fixed. Reach out to others and don’t surrender to the “I’m alone and helpless” state of mind.
Mary Francis, The Sisterhood of Widows
#thesisterhoodofwidows, #widow, #grief, #griefsupport, #widowsupport, #howtogrieve. #widowshelpingwidows
