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How do you feel when someone says, “You need to relax”? I would bet that it makes you even tenser. The more you try to relax, the opposite happens; you’re not relaxing.
Start by noticing the level of tension in your body. See if your breathing is contracted, your muscles are tight and your stomach is churning. Next, how is your mental state – are you calm or stressed? Do some deep breathing and just let it be. Don’t try to relax, just feel whatever you’re feeling.
Relaxation – Look straight ahead and find something to be your focus (flower, candle, picture etc.) Now widen your focus to include everything in your visual field. By focusing in and out, in and out from your focus point, you stop thinking and your mind and body naturally relax.
Whatever is going on in this moment (that is beyond your control) has to be. So right now stop trying to change what you can’t.
One reason we widows resist our current life is that it fails to match what we thought it would be. We think, “This isn’t right!” and “I’m not supposed to be a widow. I’m supposed to grow old with my love.” Of course, this only blinds us to what opportunities are out there. You need to relax, accept what’s happening and allow your life to flow along its uncertain path. Letting go shows us how joyful and delightful life can still be. I’ve read that 85% of the things we stress over never happen.
Here are a few simple strategies to help you relax:
- Switch your mental state from doubt to problem solving.
- When we expect things to go well, it’s easier to find ways to bring about that expectation.
- Feelings of unworthiness are deeply rooted. Try active mindfulness, repeating “I’m letting this go.”
- You need to relax, concerning your health, by taking small steps towards a health life style.
Forget all that lame, “set aside worry time”, advice you have been given. Your problem isn’t that you need to relax because you have too many worries. Instead the problem is that you have too few strategies on what to do with your worries.
For me, making a difference in someone else’s life created a more meaningful and healthier life for me. The reality is that what works for me may not work for you. We sometimes have no idea what we are doing or whether any strategy is right for us. If you’re not sure, it’s okay as long as you are open to relaxing and trying new things.
