All Blog Postings by Mary
A Vast Reservoir of Resilience
By Mary Francis · Originally published: November 7, 2025
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
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You may not believe it but you have a vast reservoir of resilience, it just takes a belief in yourself to bring it to the surface. I’m still here even though many days and nights I wasn’t so sure that I would get through my grief. But after 18 years I’m still here and thankfully so are you!
Here are a few tips to help your resilience shine:
- Find someone to talk to, a person who doesn’t have their own agenda.
- Feel a little bit better by doing something for someone else.
- Treat yourself – you are important too.
- Look after your own health: physically, mentally and spiritually.
- Crying is definitely allowed.
- Dreams are only limited by your lack of imagination.
- Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t do.
- Make a list of your top five priorities and track how many hours weekly that you devote to them.
- Surround yourself with people who believe in your vast reservoir of resilience, who believe in you and want you to succeed.
- Don’t stand in your own way. Treat yourself with the kindness and respect you would show your best friend.
- Choose your legacy. How will friends and family describe you? How did you contribute to their journey and stay resilient?
- Forgive them, doesn’t mean that you accept what they did, but you don’t want to be bound to them by withholding forgiveness.
Many grieving widows have a vast reservoir of resilience and lots of energy, but they are forced to use it differently. In the early months of loss they use most of their energy for grieving/re-adjustment. It takes everything to eat, breathe and just get out of bed. As time passes our resilience and energy is still taken up with grieving and we often feel discouraged, but we also feel ourselves moving forward.
The early numbness is wearing off and so you are feeling the loss less intensely. In time widows will feel lighter in spirit and they will feel that their vast reservoir of resilience is more available to them. They will have energy for friends and their grief will not colour their world black. Widows often move back and forth in their energy circles, but as we heal our resilience grows.
