All Blog Postings by Mary
A Widows Self-Care
By Mary Francis · Originally published: October 3, 2025
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
As a widow, can you define what self-care means to you? It’s hard for widows to learn how to say NO unless it’s an “absolute no." Choose to spend time on things that bring you joy and based on what you want instead of what others want.
Widows are suffering and it’s important for them to start doing things because they want to and not out of obligation. Do you find it hard to say no? It’s easier than you think – do it in a clear, decisive way and don’t over explain.
Tools to Help
• Map out how you spend your time.
• Don’t say yes unless it’s an Absolute Yes.
• Know what is draining your energy.
• Know where your money goes as lack of money is stressful.
• Reach out to others as social events are the best self-care.
Don’t over explain. Simple responses such as “Sorry, I can’t this time” Or “I’m already committed” are short and sweet. If you need time, tell them that you will think about it and get back to them later. Use this time to plan how to gracefully say no.
Let them know that you have a policy/rule and that’s why your answer is No. Example, “I have a rule to never lend my car.”
Why are you saying yes when you don’t want to? Are you fearful of not being liked or not being needed? If you fill your time doing for others, then you’re not doing the best for yourself. Are you ready to take some actions to move forward towards your own self-care? Every time you say no you are saying yes to self-care. Yes to something that you really want to do. The more time you give to yourself, the more satisfying your life will be. For true self-care you must first simplify your life.
Questions to Ask Yourself
• What do you care passionately about? Then focus on what really matter to you.
• What are your core values? List 3 things that you will never change belief in. Remember time spent is forever gone.
• How would you change your life if you had no fear? Don’t let fear get in your way. Part of self-care is knowing your fears and yet still taking action steps to live to the fullest.
We mustn’t allow anyone to minimize the importance of our emotions. When this happens, it’s important to say “Let me tell you how I’m feeling about this.” For our own self-care we must be sure to name and claim our value. To say – “Please respect the importance of what I’m going through.”
To Our Shared Journey,
Mary Francis is a Certified Grief Recovery Specialist®, Certified Law of Attraction Facilitator, Early Intervention Field Traumatology (EIFT) and Author/Founder of “The Sisterhood of Widows”
