All Blog Postings by Mary
Death of Your Spouse
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
The death of your spouse will put you into your own uniquely grief journey. The truth is everyone’s marriage is different. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that your grief will not necessarily be the same as another widow’s.
Your loss is influenced by your marriage, manner of their death, your emotional support, age and background. Don’t compare your grief journey to others or make assumptions about just how long your grief will last. Take a one-day-at-a-time approach that allows you to grieve at your own pace.
Don’t be afraid to talk about the person he was and the memories that allow for both laughter and tears. It’s important not to ignore your grief and to talk about the death of your spouse if you need to. It’s okay to speak from both your heart and your head.
You may feel confused, disoriented, fearful, guilty and angry all at the same time. These emotions are all normal and healthy so permit yourself to feel and don’t be surprised if surges of grief suddenly come out of nowhere. Seek out those people who encourage you to be yourself and are willing to acknowledge your feelings.
Understand your physical and emotional limits while grieving. Pay attention to what your body and mind are telling you. Get some rest, eat balanced meals and don’t feel guilty about how you’re dealing with the death of your spouse.
Hold your memories close to your heart even though they may make you emotional. It’s not good to turn our emotions off and be numb to our grief. It’s important to remember that healing doesn’t mean forgetting.
When you start to feel worried, panicked or angry, stop and pause. Take some time to acknowledge how you are feeling. Sometimes our broken heart needs some time to calm our minds. Do something different. Take a break, listen to music, go for a walk or enjoy time with a friend. It may be just what you need.
Start with a single step - the simplest thing you can do that takes you in the direction you want to be. Ask yourself, “What’s the simplest thing I can do TODAY to get started?” Even when things seem to be falling apart around you, try to find time to see what blessings you still have. It’s very healing and it will help your broken heart.
Don’t give up. Keep telling yourself, “I’m going to do one positive thing today. I’m not going to give up.” It helps to appreciate the good thing you still have in your life. The more time you spend doing that, the more positive energy you will bring into your life.
After the death of your spouse you will need people to share your emotional feeling with, people who will be there for you. Sometimes we tend to withdraw or back away from people we care about. We don’t want to worry them, but we all need the support that comes from talking about our problems and concerns.
It’s a misconception that we should be happy all the time. Our goal shouldn’t be to always be positive, but to manage our emotions. People who care about us will help us to find a balance between our grief and positive feelings that will lead us forward. We don’t “move on”, but we do need to “move forward” and not get stuck in grief to the point that our broken hearts can’t heal.