There is always hope for widows, but it is often buried in our grief.  I know that the death of my husband was definitely one of my defining moments. In a blink of an eye my entire life changed and my future took a different path, but I still had hope. If you want to understand who you are and why you do what you do, you have to go back and find those defining moments that shaped your life as it is today. If you want help finding these moments ask someone who is close to you for their thoughts. They must be someone you trust to be objective. Ask: “What do you think were my defining moments?” and “What effect do you think it had on my life?” By understanding yourself better, you will come to also understand why you feel the way you do about the holidays – good or bad.  A monumental defining moment, like the death of a love one, forces us not to take for granted what really has true value. Remember, the message of Christmas is one of hope. Christmas can be a good opportunity for the family to learn that life still has meaning after the death of a loved one. The memory of the one who has died is often an impetus for the family to get together and celebrate even though the celebrations will be different from what it used to be. Don’t try to get through the holidays by behaving as if nothing has happened. Instead acknowledge the loss, the grief and the missing space at the table. If somebody is not at the table who was there last year, it is a wonderful time for everyone to take a moment to talk about their memories and recall what they miss and what they loved about that person. Pretending that everything is fine when everything isn’t just adds to the stress everyone is feeling. The only way to survive the holiday season after the death of a loved one is to make time for memories. Say their names out loud, tell and retell the same old stories, tales of love, laughter, what was most memorable and what we miss the most.