Do you know what your mental energy drains are?  On the surface your life seems to be going along okay, and yet your grief is just below the surface.  Widows often feel stressed out and mentally drained. Many doctors diagnose our grief as mild depression and reach for their prescription pads.  We may be caring for our bodies, but we often take lousy care of our spirit, our mental health.  It’s important that widows protect and replenish their emotional energy.  The good news is that all widows can develop the skills they need. First, you need to recognize some of your mental energy drains:  Loss of a loved one, toxic people and bad habits like worry, guilt and loneliness.  Since we are all different, give yourself a break as you work this out.  Don’t listen to others when they claim that your needs are “selfish”.  It’s never selfish for a widow to put energy back into her life. Mental Energy Drains Other people’s expectations - Don’t buy into their dreams.  Personalize your life to fit what you can do to be more of who you really are.  There will be people out there that only want to control you – they are using you.  It’s important to understand that they will do whatever we allow them to do.  Instead set yourself free and follow your own path. Envy – It’s hard as a widow to see others happily married.  But comparison is a loser’s game.  You don’t know what their marriage is really like behind closed doors.  Chances are you wouldn’t want it if you had it. Worry – Worry is about things you can’t control.  It never comes up with good ideas and just torments us.  There are far too many heartaches as a widow to stress over them all, so we must choose the ones we determine are worth the effort.  Some things are just not worth the energy we spend on them.  The cure to worry is action, doing one thing to help you cope.  Example:  Writing in your journal. Unfinished projects – Decisions not made and delayed projects drain your energy.  Just make a decision, even one imperfect decision is better then none.  Insecure widows have difficulty making decisions because they are on their own and nervous of making the wrong one.  They are used to sharing the responsibility with their husbands and don’t trust themselves to do the right thing.  All you can do is your best, knowing that as you make decisions you will learn and gain experience. Over Commitment – Are you always saying "Yes"?  Feel your power by saying “No” every once in a while.  If you don’t want to do something and yet say "Yes" out of fear of rejection then you need to acknowledge that fear. Toxic People - If we want a more peaceful life, it stands to reason that the people we spend time with should not be complicated, intense or stressful.  If the people around you are peaceful it will help you to remain peaceful too.  Look at your friendships and if they are not nurturing you then consider making some changes. Protect yourself from mental energy drains. Our emotional energy will increased the more we learn what our drains are, and what we can do to lessen them.