There is no perfect roadmap for loss or perfect journey from your grief to your healing.  Everyone’s marriage was different and so will their life as a widow be different. Don’t be surprised if in the beginning there is an absence of sadness.  If there is an absence of any feelings then it could be your heart keeping you safe until you are ready to face everything that is happening. If the numbness lasts for too many months, consider getting professional help as you may be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).  Getting support will help you understand your grief so that you can feel – good, bad and ugly they are your emotions and need to be acknowledged. Emotions come and go as you grieve.  There may be times when you can’t stop crying or you may feel numbness, anger, guilt, fear or even relief. That’s normal so don’t be scared of your grief journey. Emotions are uniquely yours and your feelings are not right or wrong.  They are just part of your personal roadmap.  It’s worth noting that you may have done a lot of “anticipatory grieving” before their death. The circumstances of their death and your relationships are major influences to how you grieve and heal.  If they were in excruciating pain, suffered for a long time or were severely disabled, you may feel more relieved than sad when they died. Another example would be if the person who died wasn’t good to you or was mental/physical abusive to you.  It shouldn’t be a surprise if you were not sad, and maybe even feeling some relief with a touch of freedom. On your roadmap you may feel anger, fear and loneliness, or maybe you won’t.  It’s impossible to tell what your roadmap will be like as you travel from grief to healing.  It’s also impossible to tell how long your grief journey will take. Be mindful that grief and loss evoke a number of different feelings and there is no one roadmap that every widow will take.