All Blog Postings by Mary
Taking Things Personally
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
- Read her book on Amazon .
- Request to join her private Facebook group for widows .
In my life taking things personally has often lead me down the road of assuming, and no good ever comes out of it.
We begin to question our worth when we are taking things personally, taking things too much to heart. For those that have given you mean criticism, maybe you need to consider if they are the kind of friends that you truly want in your life.
Now, I don’t want you to minimize your emotions. Instead step back and get curious as to why their opinions and criticism hurts you. Knowing why it hurts is the first step towards dealing with it.
Defuse defensiveness by asking yourself if their comments might have some truth. Did they have some valid points, but were just not delivered kindly? If so, take what is of value (reducing your feelings of defensiveness) and let the rest go. Not taking things personally, helps you to pause before over-reacting.
While our self-esteem may hinge on what others think, self-compassion is about recognizing that you’re grieving and that you deserve kindness.
Studies show that those that don’t take things personally and have compassion for themselves cope better while they’re going through life challenges. Be as honest as you can about your feelings to give yourself the grace needed to grieve.
The spirit of tolerance is the sacrificing of oneself to help understand someone else. In giving tolerance we hope for some peace and well-being.
The world is different now, so we need compassion to go hand in hand with our tolerance and in so doing it helps us to stop taking things personally. If we want to have lasting relationships, we need tolerance and compassion. For if there is none, and no give and take, how can a friendship last?
While accepting what’s really happening and what you’re really feeling, notice how tempted you are to take things personally. Be quiet and take time to think before you react. It’s an important step to stop self-hatred and accept that what doesn’t serve you isn’t worthy of your time.
Harvard researchers have found that spending four (4) minutes looking at a happy photo shifts us to a more positive, uplifting mood and that does serve you and is worthy of your time. Please seek out the positives and don't take things personally, after all if they haven't lost their partner there is no way they could understand your grief.