The term “helper’s high” describes the sense of fulfillment and happiness we experience when we give back.  There’s research that shows that acts of kindness can boost endorphins and reduce stress.  Once we widows understand this, it makes sense that giving back in time and effort will give us a helper's high. I realized early on in my grief journey that every time I opened up and shared my story, or offered support to another widow, I felt lighter, not because the weight of my grief lessened, but because helping others gave meaning to it. I totally understand when widows ask, “Why?”  “Why did my loved one die when that really nasty guy down the road is still here?”  We will never understand the “Why”, so don’t waste your time there.  A better question is, “How can I grow from my loss?” I’d like you to take a moment to acknowledge yourself here.  I know it's hard to pat yourself on the back, so I’m doing it for you.  I’m very proud of you for being here, for seeking out resources that will help you on this journey. You’re doing great.  Instead of being hard on yourself, give yourself the same grace you would give others.  You will get a helper’s high even when it’s for your own self-esteem. Having a hard day; tell yourself, “Okay, it was difficult today but tomorrow’s a new day” or “That was hard, but I got through it.”  It’s so easy to talk badly to ourselves, so instead give yourself some compassion and understand that even though what you are going through is hard, you will get through it. There is a certain helper’s high that comes with being kind, supporting others and changing our focus from us to them.  Giving back had become part of how I coped with my own grief.  It shifted the focus from what’s been taken from me to what I can offer to others in return. "Helper’s high" feels like a gift, and I find myself seeking ways to be kind and supportive because I can honestly use that high, the more the better. Reframe your feelings – accept your grief, it’s not going to go away, it’s there.  Resisting isn’t going to make it better, in fact it will make it worse.  So, please try to accept your life and work to move forward.  The first thing is to look after yourself and it starts with taking your “grief” and making it meaningful for you. There is nothing harder in life then when something happens outside of you.  Look for solutions – What is in your control?  What can you do?  Where do you go from here? Believe in something bigger then yourself.  I think this is the key to healing your broken heart.  This is within the reach of every widow – to heal you need to get a "helper’s high".  And that can be as simple as being kind, hold the door for someone, smile and wish them a good day.  You will never know just how much they needed that from you. Live without regret – you are alive.  Embrace it!!  Don’t judge yourself for your fears.  Love yourself and find your personal "helper’s high".