My Donnie died suddenly while sitting at the kitchen table having his morning tea and cigarette.  I didn't have the gift of tears and I don’t remember what came next.  Did I scream or cry out?  I only remember not being able to take it all in.  I don’t recall the words I used when I told our son. Friends came over, but I don’t remember talking.  I just remember thinking that my world will never be the same again.  And then the tears came and I cried in bed, in the car and at work.  After a while, my tears became just another fact of my new life. I worried that it would always be this way and that I’d find life just too upsetting to cope with.  But that didn’t happen, as after a time I could smile again and share my memories.  It’s a curious feeling, this gift of tears while healing from a great loss.  Although part of me wanted to mourn forever, something nudged me back into life; the life of friends, grandchildren, celebrations and gratefulness. In the toughest of moments we need to believe that if we just take one more step than we will be okay.  Each step forward helps us to feel that we are capable of grieving and healing. There is no strength without challenge, resistance and often pain.  When grieving it’s hard to accept but the problems we face will build our courage, discipline and hope.  That’s where strength comes from – your ability to stand up, face resistance and step forward. Your biggest fear may have been to lose your husband, it happened and you lived through that horror.  The gift of tears helped your broken heart heal so don’t hold back because of what others may think.  I know you can take the next thing that comes along, so take one more step forward. I learned that being happy didn’t mean that I had forgotten Donnie.  My tears had washed my pain away and I became more in touch with the person I once was.  That was my broken heart healing.