Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
It’s okay to do therapist shopping after the death of your loved one. First confront the reason you want to see a therapist, acknowledge that you need some help.
Don’t give up if your first, second or more therapist doesn’t connect with you. Go therapist shopping by doing a consultation here and an intake meeting there. Please keep at it until you find someone you truly connect with.
A therapist’s approach may be “experiential”. They want you to feel your emotions, and may disclose more of their life than some other therapists do. Others may have the calm, trustworthy approach of an older and wiser relative. Lots of different ways to approach; example being that some will focus on mindfulness, where you can explore your feelings while in therapy.
It can be overwhelming and therapist shopping is not for the faint of heart. Keep at it because I firmly believe that we will know when we click. We will know it because we will quite simply want to keep the conversation going.
A good therapist should give you a safe place to be vulnerable, a place to leave the habit of avoidance at the door and develop instead the habit of self-reflection. It should be their mission to help you, connect to you as another human being in a kind way. You should walk into your session expecting kindness and knowing no harm will come from your need.
- Therapy is there to help enhance your self-worth. It doesn’t have to be a major problem or need years of therapy to seek out help.
- Don’t worry about what to talk about. Just lay out everything that is bothering you, even if it’s difficult to express. The therapist is there to guide you through your issues.
- Therapists will not judge you as they know it takes strength to ask for help. They are trained to listen, offer unbiased feedback and help you focus on problem-solving. They aren’t there to solve your problems, but instead to help you go through the process.
If you have done your therapist shopping and found the one for you, please don’t lie to them. If you’ve lied to avoid your feelings it’s time to talk about it. If we avoid emotional discomfort, that’s exactly what’s probably got us into trouble in the first place.
Though we have common grief symptoms, widows experience grief differently. Yet so many widows live in grief, hiding their struggles, not seeking help. Our culture doesn’t fully acknowledge how much help a grieving widow needs.
There is no shame in seeking help and speaking openly of your grief. We need to start talking and we need to start now.
