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A few years after Donnie's death I realized that I wasn't having fun. As a widow, grief had overtaken my life and it was hard to ask, "Is it time to play?"
When Donnie died I was only 50 years old, still working hard on my career and also on "The Sisterhood of Widows". I felt that I was following my passion of helping other widows, but I couldn't remember the last time I had a knee slapping, sensationally good time.
I now focus on helping widow to not only grieve, but also to heal and play again. What I've found is that fun begins with our willingness to seek it out. We need to make the most mundane experiences into moments we can treasure.
I think that as we age we can have more access to real fun. Our work and family responsibilities usually lessen as we age and it should now be our time. We also have the wisdom of age, we know what makes us happy, which isn't necessarily what we thought it would be.
Is it play time? You have the ability to choose what is in your best interest and what will bring you the most fun. So, what's stopping you? Take time off from worrying and be silly like a child. Why should children have all the fun?
"Life is to be enjoyed, not simply endured. Pleasure and goodness and joy support the pursuit of survival"
By Willard Gaylin, ethicist and author
We widows often lose our sense of play when we lose our husbands. But I'm here to tell you that there are only so many days to your life. You are beautiful and need to live free of regret, and be filled with joy, fun and laughter. You can either go boldly into life or you can sit quietly on the sidelines. Choice this moment - because this moment is the only time you have for certain.
- If your life ended tomorrow, what would you regret not doing?
- If you were told today that you had cancer would you value life more?
- When was the last time you played, really played?
- What could you have accomplished if you did all the things that you wanted to do?
You are the single biggest influence in your life. Anyone who has ever come close to death can tell you that at the end of life, you probably won't remember how hard you worked or what you gave up for your family. The thoughts that linger will be; "if only..." or "I should or shouldn't have...".
Please grieve, because it is healthy and necessary, but there has to come a time to heal. Your journey needs to have some time for play, to step out and live fully. Every day relish, enjoy and play as if it were your last - tomorrow is not guaranteed.
No matter how much your grieving, it is necessary, from time to time, to get away. Simply being in an unfamiliar location causes us to think and act differently. It takes us out of our routines, moves us away from our comfort zone and literally forces us to enjoy new and exciting sights. Take time to play - not only will you be more relaxed, you will surely gain renewed enthusiam for life.
#thesisterhoodofwidows
