All Blog Postings by Mary
A Healthy Aging Widow
By Mary Francis · Originally published: August 6, 2021
Archive notice: This is a historical post from Mary’s years of blogging. Some older posts may mention products, courses or shop items that are no longer available, as Mary now focuses her time and energy on supporting widows inside her private Facebook community. The guidance and stories remain here as a free resource for widows.
For current ways to connect with Mary’s work, you can:
Age has given me what I've looked for my entire life - self confidence to be "me". I am a healthy aging widow (50 when my husband died and now 64). The experiences, failures and triumphs over the years have made me grow beyond what was comfortable.
I fit into my own skin now. A life of my own, not what others imagined for me - a life of my own making. Sure there are parts I don't love, like my aging body, bad memory and the loneliness. But I have amazing friends and a deep faith in God, to whom I can turn. I have a beautiful family and my health.
Aging Widow
I still have terrible moments when I despair about being an aging widow and how long I will live and be healthy - who will look after me in my old age? But they are just moments as I know the truth is that I am not going to live forever, and that has set me free to just be me.
I've learned to be thrilled that I'm here, even with my gray hair and achy muscles. Thrilled because of those who didn't make it, who died too young from cancer, suicide or accidents. Much of the stuff I used to worry about has subsided into a big shrug and it's a huge relief to let it go.
I've stopped comparing myself to others and I'm more kind to myself. I have grown enough to understand that I don't want regrets for what I did or didn't do. I want to live unashamed, making more mistakes but being okay with that.
Our hearts were broken when we lost our loved ones, and the bad news is that we never completely get over our loss. But this is also the good news as they live forever in our memories.
Years of Experience
Years of experience and a life time of losses brings wisdom. If someone were to ask me, years ago, what the four signs of old age were, I would have answered: wringles, sagging skin, achy bones and grey hair. But today my answer to the four signs of old age is: wisdom, confidence, faith and gratitude.
I am now free to work less, avoid stress, exercise and spend my time with friends that matter to me. There is so much more about life that I want to learn and nothing is stopping me.
Widows need a strong social support not for what they can do for you, but more for what you can do for them. The widows who care for their neighbours/friends/family, lending a helping hand, live the longest with the greatest health.
Moderate exercise, like a leisurely hours walk, will do you more good then a grueling fitness class that you don't want to do and will soon quit.
It's okay to worry a bit because it helps prepare you for life's curveballs. The truth is bad things happen and to "think good things and good things only will happen" just isn't reality.
Challenge yourself to strive, improve and learn. The key to being a "healthy aging widow" is to give yourself permission to embrace change and have fun doing it.
#thesisterhoodofwidows
