If you have never learned to speak up for yourself, it’s time because silence is not golden.  Widows speak up because they have learned that they have to deal with lawyers, bankers and many others. Today’s widows may say that without the backup of their spouse they feel intimidated by all the paperwork and home maintenance.  But what they have learned, by trial and error, is that they can speak clearly and with authority on their own behalf. You should know going forward that life doesn’t go smoothly for anyone.  If something can go wrong it usual does, so don’t let life stress you out.  Widowhood is more than coping and overcoming – it’s the point in your life when you need to speak up.  Because, wanted or not, your remaining life has unlimited potential with choices to be made. You’ll never be that same married woman again.  Now is your opportunity to discover the person under the many titles of daughter, wife and mother.  It can be a time to speak up, to explore your own boundaries while approaching new experiences. Yes, there will be good days and bad days, fears and tears are part of your journey.  But it can also be your time to discover your inner soul.  The most surprising thing to me was becoming acquainted with solitude and enjoying time to myself. As always, you have many directions in which to go and many ways to speak up so you can become uniquely you.  The difference now is that you are a widow and you are on your own.  As a single woman your life is different, but that doesn’t mean it can’t still be rewarding and happy. Know what blocks you from speaking up.  Do you feel that you always have to fight for your rights?  Easily lose your temper, are overly loud and later regret that you didn’t have more control? Can You Speak up and Say:

• “No” without an explanation?
• Tell someone they hurt your feelings?
• Express your own opinion without apology?
• Receive compliments and take criticism?
• Start a conversation with strangers?

We need as widows to speak up for ourselves and maybe even take some assertiveness training.  The art of assertiveness starts with the understanding that you may have been forgotten, but that you can speak up and follow your dreams. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself loudly and clearly what it is you want.  You can learn to make “I” statements of what you want.  Begin with “I want …” and “I like …” and you’ll see the world unfold before you.